Jesus is better than an Uber Driver

My Dream Car – Just Add Yellow Trimmings! 😄

If I could own any car in the world, it would be a sparkly, brand new, purple Mercedes Vito with yellow mirrors and trimmings. This is the most irrational and senseless car for me to desire as I don’t have little children anymore, and the costs of fueling such a mahoosive car would be prohibitive.

Nevertheless, if money was no object, this would be my car. As irrational and pointless as that might be!

If your life were a car, what would it be? Now imagine handing Jesus the keys to your car and asking Him to drive you to your life’s destination.

Even now, the thought of handing anyone the keys to my beautiful, purple Vito gives me anxiety. It’s my baby, and I couldn’t bear the thought of letting anyone drive it!

But Jesus isn’t just anyone. For one, unlike most Uber drivers (or any ride hailing app drivers for that matter), Jesus doesn’t need a SatNav. He not only knows the destination, He knows the best and most scenic route, that would leave your soul satisfied and happy.

Many of us claim we have given over the keys to our life-cars to Jesus. Now imagine yourself in the passenger seat. What sort of passenger are you?

Are you barking commands at Jesus, telling him where to turn to and which route to take? Do you argue with him? Are you impatient if the journey is too slow, too fast, or you find yourself in traffic? Worse still do you try to wrestle the wheel off him, or do you even stop the car and ask Him to trade places with you as you consider yourself to be the better driver?

In my Vito, is Jesus in the driving seat, the passenger seat, the first row, the second row, or even in the boot? 🫣

Who holds the keys to the car of your life? 🚗

Loneliness

Loneliness is one of the biggest killers of a loving relationship or marriage. It’s possible to be lonely when you are together as well as when you are apart.

We have experienced both types of loneliness in our marriage and the effects have been devastating both times.

Our first experience of loneliness came during our courtship years. We had enjoyed an intense year at University, spending lots of time in one another’s company, talking endlessly, getting to know one another’s convictions, beliefs, ambitions…. It was a beautiful season of close friendship and fellowship. And then, abruptly, there was an uprising on campus, with students protesting against the brutal military regime of General Sanni Abachi. The campus was shut down and everyone dispersed home for an unspecified period of time. Unknown to me at the time, that was to be my last time schooling in Nigeria.

In October of that year, I arrived at cold, wet, Manchester University, my father’s Alma Matta, as a second year transfer student from Obafemi Awolowo university.

The love of my life was several miles away and in the days before mobile phones (yes, those days really did exist), we had no easy way of communicating. We relied on snail mail, and whenever I was able to rustle up some change, long distance phone calls from a coin operated telephone booth.

I missed my soul mate terribly. And he me. Desperately lonely, we both soon found solace in other people’s company, forming unhealthy relationships that threatened to destroy our bond.

Yet, despite the mutual betrayal of our promise to be faithful to one another, we were held together by a bond that was greater than our frailties. The relationships we formed with others did not have the same degree of soul connection that we shared. While those relationships were precious in their own way, they were fundamentally unfulfilling and a counterfeit to the real thing.

By God’s grace and mercy alone, we found our way back to one another, we did the hard work of forgiveness and reconciliation and a few years later, we were happily married.

We resumed our intense love for one another’s company in the first few years of our marriage. It was beautiful. Just like the old days. We went on silly adventures together and we talked and laughed a lot. We had very little financially, but that didn’t bother either of us much. We were happy and carefree.

Then children started to come along, and the demands of family life and the necessities of needing to pay our bills and put food on the table began to take its toll.

We needed to build our careers and fast if we were not going to drown in debt. We lost our joy in one another, and spent more time in strained silence or senseless bickering.

We stopped being a team and didn’t enjoy being in one another’s company. We started to drift apart. This time, the loneliness persisted despite the fact that we shared a home and a bed. These dark times lasted for several years and took its toll on us and on our children also.

Then COVID came. And it became impossible to avoid one another. I started to go on long prayer walks like the one I am on right now and the fog on my heart began to lift. I listened to different sermons by a preacher that I loved and respected and I began to notice the log in my eye. The unfair and unloving ways in which I was treating my husband, the deep disrespect that I showed him through my words and actions. And I began to repent. I knew we needed help but hubby was resistant to having outsiders meddling in our business. He was of the opinion that we would only end up hurting each other more with unguarded and unfiltered comments in front of a stranger. So I had to find us help some other way.

I scoured the internet for marriage courses and stumbled upon a book called His Needs, Her Needs that seemed to have good reviews. I bought the book for myself and started to read it. It was an eye opener, going into greater depth than the sermons I was listening to. I found so much understanding of why we were the way we were. And how some things won’t ever change and that was ok. I made peace in my heart with my forever friend and my attitude towards him began to soften.

I affirmed him, I trusted him more, I challenged his decisions less. And I found so much freedom and peace.

I bought the workbook that accompanied the book and tried to get hubby to read the book. This was first met with the usual resistance but from time to time, I would share a paragraph from the book with him and it would resonate with him. I don’t know what made him pick up the book but eventually he did. And he read it all. We had turned a corner.

From a place of deeper understanding of our individual needs, we were able to let go of long held resentments and expectations. Our friendship was rekindled. We started to laugh again, we started to date again. We had found each other once more.

So now we are in phase 3 of our relationship. The children are grown up now, and grand-patenthood is around the corner. New realities await us. We are shaping a new normal.

Today we share an office, we work on each other’s businesses, and we are excited to hang out together – just like the good old days.

We still spend periods of time apart and while physical distance is unavoidable, we are not lonely anymore. Thanks to tech, even when we are not in close physical proximity, we are in touch multiple times a day, our heartbeats remaining in sync.

I don’t know who I am writing this for. But if loneliness is plaguing your relationship, do the hard work of finding yourselves again. For us, we were able to achieve this through the pages of an old fashioned book written by an elderly couple. For you, it might be something else. But if you can weather the lonely years and rediscover yourselves, you will realise, as we did, that we always had what we were looking for all along. The treasure we sought was right there, waiting to be rediscovered.

I don’t believe that our journey towards one another would have been possible without our shared faith in God. Ultimately, I believe He orchestrated the circumstances that led to our reconciliation to one another. But, as always, He shows the way but the decision as to whether or not we take the path remains ours to make.

Here is a link to His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon (not an affiliate link): https://amzn.eu/d/0e5fK7o3. It’s available on Kindle also.

Ditch the goals….build the systems

Whenever we enter a new year, the air is thick with talk of new year resolutions. What you should have in your resolutions. How you should go about deciding what makes the list etc etc.

Rarely do we hear talk about what systems need to be in place to make the achievement of those resolutions remotely possible. No wonder that before the end of January, most people become disillusioned and give up on their resolutions for that year.

I’ll give you an example. As a music educator, I have the privilege of interacting with many amazing families from all over the world, many of who, mostly, want the same thing. Well rounded children who excel in the arts as well as the sciences. They want to give their children as many skills as possible so they have options in life.

I fully understand that sentiment as a mother of three, now grown children.

What is often missing though is the parent’s understanding of how to sustain that dream over a long period of time.

The most successful music parents that I see are those who integrate the child’s music education as a lifestyle choice for the entire family. Not just for the child.

They are often within earshot of the lesson and / or practice. They regularly listen to the child’s practice and offer their suggestions or words of encouragement – you don’t have to be a trained muscian to be able to share a helpful comment!

The musical instrument is positioned in the heart of the home. Not in a dingy, underused and uderloved space which subconsciously communicates the idea that learning to play an instrument is a form of punishment.

I go into a lot more depth in this webinar – Successful Music Parenting.

In a nutshell, the less you focus on goals, and the more you focus on the systems and processes that are required for success, the more likely you will see the success you seek.

So parents, ditch the goals. Build the systems. And watch your babies soar!

My name is Kunbi Osinoiki, wife, mother, daughter and CEO of Kunbi’s Music Company.

No Resolutions This Year

It’s day 7 of 2024, and the only resolution I have made this year is to make none. I think New Year resolutions are overrated. Why wait 365 days to resolve to make a change when you can do that every minute of every day? This year, I resolve to be strong. To do many hard things – and win. That’s my anti-resolution in a nutshell.

What’s yours?

Transitioning…

All glory to God! Yesterday marked the end of our last Christmas term as parents of a school age child.

In 2023, we will slowly but surely experience more “last ofs” as we march inexorably towards the end of our daughter’s final year of secondary (high) schooling. How time flies. Exactly 25 years of nursery, primary and secondary schooling is coming to an end. A phase of life that was incredibly intense and exhausting, physically, emotionally and financially.

As we slowly emerge out of this phase of life, I am grateful to have done so with my hubby and closest friend still by my side. At one point in our lives, we didn’t think we would get through this phase of our parenting journey with our relationship intact. The fact that we will and that we eagerly anticipate doing life together as empty nesters is a testament to the grace, kindness and patience of God. He saw us through and He continues to be the anchor for our souls and our relationship.

Underneath all of who we are and who we are becoming are indeed the Everlasting Arms. ❤

Please help me buy a Soundbeam!

Dear friends and followers,

I would be so very grateful if you could please help me raise the funds needed to purchase a Soundbeam 6 musical instrument for our work with children living with disabilities in Lagos Nigeria.

Please watch the video and donate whatever you can towards the €3,500 goal. God bless you as you do. Please share with your network and acquaintances also.

Here is the link to donate: https://gofund.me/898250ce

Thank you.
Kx

The fleeting gift of childhood is gone in a heartbeat.

It’s hard to believe that this gorgeous photo of my daughter was taken 18 years ago. We were at her baby music class and the professional photographer that was hired for the day perfectly captured the concentration on her face as she listened in rapt attention to instructions for the next activity.

Memories from the years that I took my three children to baby and toddler music classes will be with me forever. Those days are a precious, everlasting gift to me in particular because the children do not remember them as vividly as I do. Nevertheless, they associate their fleeting memories of those sessions with great fondness and happiness. And that matters. A lot.

The American Psychological Association is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States. In a paper published in November 2018, they found that people who have fond memories of childhood, specifically their relationships with their parents, tend to have better health, less depression and fewer chronic illnesses as adults – and that this remained true even for people in middle and older adulthood.

It turns out that being intentional about building loving relationships with your children pays off in the long run, and like all relationships, the more time you spend having quality shared experiences, the stronger the bond. Think of how much time you spent wooing your crush for instance. The same way, your baby or toddler needs your undivided attention on a regular basis.

When my children were younger, our weekly music playdates gave me both an opportunity and an excuse to bond with each of them in a distraction-free environment. The classes were away from home so I could not be tempted by never ending chores. I also scheduled them in my diary, so I could legitimately decline meetings or engagements that fell in that time slot.

In those sessions, I caught glimpses into each child’s character in ways that I would have missed at home, as they interacted with other children and adults in the room. I was able to gently coach them on how to behave in a structured, public environment; to patiently wait their turn to be given the next musical instrument or prop. To learn to respect and follow instructions from another person of authority outside our home. To be proud of themselves when they were able to tap that rhythm or sing that new song (almost) word perfect. To negotiate with a fellow toddler who wanted the same toy without hitting, biting, spitting or crying. All of these dynamics were happening even while we were singing “The Wheels on the Bus” for the hundreth time. It was a chaotic, yet beautiful and magical experience all at once.

In whichever way you choose to bond with your baby, protect it. Ring-fence it. Schedule it to happen as frequently as possible. And when it does, be fully present. Turn off your phone or leave it in another room or in your car. Because before long, you too will be sharing your children’s photo, like the one above, reminiscing about the days gone by, never to return, when they were still small enough to sit in your lap.

Childhood is a gift, not so much to the children, but to the adults in their lives. Cherish it.

And you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart …

And God said to a people that He had caused to go into captivity, while they were in captivity:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

This assurance was given to a people denied of their liberty, as part of God’s plan for them.

Sometimes, what could look like a “bad” thing to an outside observer could be God’s perfect will for you. (Ironically those who were not taken away as captives were utterly destroyed by their enemies. Their so called freedom made them vulnerable to annihilation).

God gave the captives a profound promise to be with them in the midst of their captivity:

Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

When you search for something with all your heart – you leave no stone unturned until you find it.

You never give up until you find it. You cannot rest. Your mind is not at ease, until you find it. You are unable to sleep even as your mind works non-stop to solve the riddle, to find the answer.

Finding Him and His will alone takes precedence over everything else. You cannot stand still. You are constantly in motion, trying different things until you find the solution. You don’t give up. And when you search of Him with all your heart, God promises:

I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.

Ultimately, the one who trusts in God in all seasons, and who finds Him in all circumstances, whether good or bad – will never lack peace, and will therefore always know freedom in their hearts, whether that person is physically free or not.

Jer 29:11‭-‬14 NKJV